Psychology: Who am I?

I am sure all of you have thought at some point of your life Who am I? Why do I react this way or why do I feel like this? 

We are our behaviors and our behaviors are shaped by our identity. Identity is a very well known and used word........ but what does it really mean?  

What is behavior?

Behavior is a way in which an individual acts in response to a particular situation or stimulus. Behavior can be taught, mimic and modified. It begins as a conscious learned response but if it is repeated enough times it becomes part of our identity or unconscious personality.

Behavior is fundamentally influenced by:

- DNA / Genetics ; When we are born we do all have some prewired unconscious behaviors, the same way we do all know how to breathe or blink our eyes we do also have some information transmitted by DNA through generations. 

- Society ; Where we live , the society, the city and the neighborhood shape how we think, who we are and how we shape reality through our beliefs and values. 

- Experience in the formative years ; As mammals, the behavior is learnt from the group , we tend to mirror (imitate) our group behavior in order to be accepted by them , it is a basic survival instinct.


What is identity?

Identity may be defined as the distinctive characteristic belonging to any given individual, or shared by all members of a particular social category or group. Identity may be distinguished from identification; the former is a label, whereas the latter refers to the classifying act itself. Identity is thus best construed as being both relational and contextual, while the act of identification is best viewed as inherently processual.

However, the formation of one's identity occurs through one's identifications with significant others (primarily with parents and other individuals during one’s biographical experiences, and also with 'groups' as they are perceived).


How is Identity created and shaped?

According to experts identity is mainly created since the moment you are born until approximately 10-12 years old. Once a behavior is learned and repeated over and over again our brain will learn that it gets more pleasure than pain doing that and it will unconsciously choose that option in the future.

The interesting point about identity is that we all tend to mantain it even when it is negative. Let me share a story with you to illustrate this concept:

"The scorpion and the frog"

A scorpion and a frog lived in a forest , they never talked to each other as Scorpions and frogs don´t get along. One day the forest starts burning and the scorpion goes and talks to the frog asking for help.....

S- Frog, please help me to cross the river , the forest is burning and I will die!

F- No way!!! I will not help you

S- Why???

F- Because scorpions sting frogs!! everybody knows this!

S- Come on.... don´t be stupid! I only want to go to the other side of the river and scorpions cannot swim. In fact if I sting you we will both die in the river!

F- Ok ok, come on...... 

The scorpion lays over the frog and the frog starts swimming across the river , when they are in the middle of the river the Scorpion stings the frog in its back. The frog cannot believe it!!!!! It turns the face and asks the scorpion:

F- Why did you do it??? You told me you will not do it! Now we will both die in the river!!!

S- I did it because......... i did it because I am a scorpion and scorpions sting frogs!!!

The key message of this story is that we did all create an identity and we will do whatever it takes to protect and justify it. After all change is not well accepted in society and groups.

How many times have you heard the phrase: He is a traitor!! He was not like this before! If somebody changes his mind about a simple thing as a favorite soccer team what would the reaction of the people be?

Probably they will say things such as: He was supporting Real Madrid and now he likes Barcelona F.C?? What kind of person is this? You cannot trust him!

The power of identity is huge , be careful who you choose to be because you will try to mantain it all your life. 

Why would somebody mantain a negative identity/personality? 

This is a very interesting question and the answer is because this personality gives the individual more pleasure in the short/long term than pain, at least in the model of the world, the reality he has constructed with his brain. All reactions we choose to do are designed to cover our six human needs. Human needs are the base of all our behaviors, they are defined as:

1. Certainty: Defined as the need to know that something will occur for sure.

2. Uncertainty/Adventure: We do all need at some point of our life some uncertainty or adventure to feel alive.

3. Love/Connection: The need to be loved and connected with others. We are mammals, and mammals are not designed to live alone, we tend to live in groups and sharing is very important for our life.

4. Significance: We do all need to feel significant/important for others at some level.

5. Growth: The need to develop ourselves and "grow" our minds.

6. Contribution: The ultimate human need, contributing to the world and society is ver important for humans.

Identity can be changed

It is possible however not easy to change our identity/personality. It can be done, in fact it is done everyday by experts. If you want to change some aspect of your personality talk to an expert in this field , he will help you to identify the values and rules that support the unwanted identity and then he will link more pain than pleasure to these behaviors related to your identity. After some time you will be able to change the negative identity and build a new positive one.

“He allowed himself to be swayed by his conviction that human beings are not born once and for all on the day their mothers give birth to them, but that life obliges them over and over again to give birth to themselves.” Gabriel Garcí­a Márquez, Love in the Time of Cholera

Remember you can change anything if you are really committed to do so. Everything is possible. Think deeply who you want to be, define your own identity!!