Psychology​: What you say is not what you communicate

What you say is not what you communicate

Did you know that your communication is 70% Non verbal? This is a very interesting point as most people focus on what they are going to say in a meeting or conversation. It is actually much more important non verbal communication.

The key point of this article is to share with you the latest advances in human psychology , there are hundreds of studies made by universities such as Harvard and Yale that show impressive results. Human communication is much more complicated that we though, unconscious gestures are much more important than the verbal communication. Let me explain this better.  

What is communication?
Communication (from Latin commūnicāre, meaning "to share"]) is the activity of conveying information through the exchange of thoughts, messages, or information, as by speech, visuals, signals, writing, or behavior. It is the meaningful exchange of information between two or more living creatures.

- The communicator is the person that influences through verbal and non verbal communication the other person.

- The receiver is the influenced person.

What is non verbal communication?

Nonverbal communication is the process of communication through sending and receiving wordless (mostly visual) cues between people. It is also seen as the nonlinguistic transmission of information through visual, auditory, tactile, and kinesthetic channels. Before a meeting or conversation in which you want to influence the other person (therefore all communications) you must take a look at yourself, see your emotional state, check your Triad (phisiology, focus and internal vocabulary) in order to be able to influence. Being at a peak state is critical , after all if you dont influence yourself first you cannot influnce others.

Being a great leader/Influencer

As team leader and coach I always emphazise on how important is to feel good and communicate this to the customer and the team. A lot of salesmen ask what is the formula for closing sales and be successful on achieving their goals. I always tell them: 

The difference between amateur and professional is the ability to manage your emotional state. 

There is no formula for selling/influence, the key is trust. Trust is the main point for every influencer. Trust can be achieved in a short period of time if you are sincere and you have the other persons interest in mind.

To be an excellent leader/inflluencer you must be able to be at a peak state whenever you need to , all the team will look to you everyday in order to feel good and be able to work properly. You can use anchors to help you to manage your state such as music, gestures, phrases...... anything that reminds you of a moment in which you felt confident and happy. An anchor  can be created , we teach people how to do it. For example;  If each time you feel good and you play a specific song , whenever you feel down you can play this same song and you will start to feel better. It is so simple that a lot of people dont belief in this. 

Anybody can be successful sometimes, the difference is that a true influencer or leader is able to achieve excellent results most of the times, consistency is the key word. Without discipline and emotional control the results will be mediocre.

Communication is not what you want to communicate but what the other person receives. This is very important as most people belief what they communicated is what they wanted to say but sometimes what you say with your body and tone of voice is totally opposed to what you want to transmit. If you dont have congruency , the communication is worthless.  

My advice is:

Next time you have a meeting (business or personal) make sure you are at a peak state, if you cannot do it, change the timming of the meeting or call , it is a waste of time to be able to have an excellent result when you are not at a peak state.