Psychology​: What you say is not what you communicate

What you say is not what you communicate

Did you know that your communication is 70% Non verbal? This is a very interesting point as most people focus on what they are going to say in a meeting or conversation. It is actually much more important non verbal communication.

The key point of this article is to share with you the latest advances in human psychology , there are hundreds of studies made by universities such as Harvard and Yale that show impressive results. Human communication is much more complicated that we though, unconscious gestures are much more important than the verbal communication. Let me explain this better.  

What is communication?
Communication (from Latin commūnicāre, meaning "to share"]) is the activity of conveying information through the exchange of thoughts, messages, or information, as by speech, visuals, signals, writing, or behavior. It is the meaningful exchange of information between two or more living creatures.

- The communicator is the person that influences through verbal and non verbal communication the other person.

- The receiver is the influenced person.

What is non verbal communication?

Nonverbal communication is the process of communication through sending and receiving wordless (mostly visual) cues between people. It is also seen as the nonlinguistic transmission of information through visual, auditory, tactile, and kinesthetic channels. Before a meeting or conversation in which you want to influence the other person (therefore all communications) you must take a look at yourself, see your emotional state, check your Triad (phisiology, focus and internal vocabulary) in order to be able to influence. Being at a peak state is critical , after all if you dont influence yourself first you cannot influnce others.

Being a great leader/Influencer

As team leader and coach I always emphazise on how important is to feel good and communicate this to the customer and the team. A lot of salesmen ask what is the formula for closing sales and be successful on achieving their goals. I always tell them: 

The difference between amateur and professional is the ability to manage your emotional state. 

There is no formula for selling/influence, the key is trust. Trust is the main point for every influencer. Trust can be achieved in a short period of time if you are sincere and you have the other persons interest in mind.

To be an excellent leader/inflluencer you must be able to be at a peak state whenever you need to , all the team will look to you everyday in order to feel good and be able to work properly. You can use anchors to help you to manage your state such as music, gestures, phrases...... anything that reminds you of a moment in which you felt confident and happy. An anchor  can be created , we teach people how to do it. For example;  If each time you feel good and you play a specific song , whenever you feel down you can play this same song and you will start to feel better. It is so simple that a lot of people dont belief in this. 

Anybody can be successful sometimes, the difference is that a true influencer or leader is able to achieve excellent results most of the times, consistency is the key word. Without discipline and emotional control the results will be mediocre.

Communication is not what you want to communicate but what the other person receives. This is very important as most people belief what they communicated is what they wanted to say but sometimes what you say with your body and tone of voice is totally opposed to what you want to transmit. If you dont have congruency , the communication is worthless.  

My advice is:

Next time you have a meeting (business or personal) make sure you are at a peak state, if you cannot do it, change the timming of the meeting or call , it is a waste of time to be able to have an excellent result when you are not at a peak state.

Unlearning: The path to true learning

  

Definition: “Learning is acquiring new, or modifying and reinforcing, existing knowledge, behaviors, skills, values, or preferences and may involve synthesizing different types of information. The ability to learn is possessed by humans, animals and some machines.”

Most of people think that learning is defined this way, however real learning must include a critical concept Unlearning or knowledge destruction.

What is Unlearning?

Definition: To put (something learned) out of the mind; forget.

In order to learn you have to learn to unlearn. The ability to question global beliefs and paradigms is critical to go further , to move forward in human and nature understanding. After all if we belief what everybody says and writes and we dont question anything it is imposible to evolve. Through history every leader and influencer has questioned paradigms and global beliefs. Think about this;

What do Platon , Aristoteles, Socrates, Jesus of Nazaret , Mohamed, Buddha , Leonardo da Vinci, Chistopher Columbus, Thomas Edisson, Albert Einstein and Stephen Hawking have in common?

They all questioned paradigms and worked with passion and discipline in order to demonstrate that what humanity believed until then was incorrect.

Your brain is like a backpack

If you want to put more things inside your backpack you have to take some of them out. Ego and arrogance is the worst enemy of intelligence and learning , as it keeps you from learning more. A lot of success people that achieved their goals stay in arrogance and think they know everything, they wake up everyday looking at the mirror and saying: Yes I am the King, I am rich, I know everything…… Nothing further apart from reality.

Only when you are ready and mature enough to be able to unlearn you will understand. Forget your ego and you will advance and achieve real happiness and success.

Happiness and success is not about being the best at the peak of the mountain , it is about understanding and kaizen (constant and never ending improvement). Contribution and growth are the two most important human needs after all.

 “Do not believe in anything simply because you have heard it. Do not believe in anything simply because it is spoken and rumored by many. Do not believe in anything simply because it is found written in your religious books. Do not believe in anything merely on the authority of your teachers and elders. Do not believe in traditions because they have been handed down for many generations. But after observation and analysis, when you find that anything agrees with reason and is conducive to the good and benefit of one and all, then accept it and live up to it.” 
― Gautama Buddha

My advice is: Look, feel, think, doubt and then

think again, don't fear anything ……… stand up

for what you believe!

Sales team leading: Discipline, the key to real freedom, happiness and success

It is a worldwide paradigm that discipline is against freedom, everybody thinks that disciplined people are less free and more unhappy but the truth is that disciplined people are happier and achieve success faster, in fact success without discipline is called luck and it is very rare. 

Of course too much discipline can be harmful but only when it goes against the individual rules of happiness. I would like to share with you how discipline is directly related to freedom, happiness and success:   

Freedom

The key to real freedom is discipline, only when you are able to control your mind and emotions in order to decide if you want to do something or not you are in total control of your brain. Freedom is the choice to do anything and only with discipline you are totally free. Staying home watching tv, not going to the gym or not making the report your boss asked you for is not freedom at all, you start loosing the control of your brain and due to this after some time feelings of regret of not complying the tasks will start making you feel really bad.

Happiness

Only when you achieve freedom and total control of your emotions you are ready for the next step. Happiness is very complex and each individual has developed their own personality type and chosen the rules they must comply in order to achieve their own happiness but it is real that discipline helps you to be totally happy as you can choose and make decisions and you will not be frustrated because you want to change and you cannot do it.

Change is good and necessary for life and discipline is the key to change. 

Success

Success is only achieved when the individual is happy. Discipline is the key to success , nobody has been born to be anything in special as genetics are not so important as it is worldwide believed. It is true that a family of engineers or fighters may have a descendant than can have facility as an engineer or fighter but it is more because of the personality, values , beliefs and discipline that the family transmits them the reason that they will become successful. 

Only by having strict discipline you can achieve the real success and it is totally necessary in order to achieve peak performance and success. 

Practice discipline and teach your brain who is in charge, it takes years.... but when you do it at a unconscious competence level you will perform at peak performance and achieve real success in all aspects of your life!!

Emotional control: Who is driving the truck?

Who is driving the truck?

We use this metaphor in order to make people focus on their power over the brain. It is an easy and funny phrase that is used as an anchor to break patterns.

The truck represents the human brain. It is big, powerful and you can accelerate it or break it , depending on your specific needs. It is very complex if you study the engineering carefully and at the same time it is very simple to drive if somebody teaches you how. If you are interested in the teaching process please read my blog Learning process , four stages of competence.

We demonstrate that you and only you can make yourself happy or sad, as reality is not what happens to you, the reality is what you build around this event with the values, rules and identity created by your brain. What does the particular event mean to you , how do you feel the emotions and how you process them is your reality and it is controled by your brain.

What would happen if you accelerate the truck to 200km/h and you suddenly get scared and you let go the steering wheel???

If you have never done it. Trust me it is scary!

You must always keep eyes on the road and the hands on the steering wheel in order to avoid accidents.

How to control the bus and never take the hands out of the steering wheel?

Here it comes; the Triad:

Triad: The key to emotional control  

Triad is the best tool to control emotional states. It is defined as:

1. Physiology

Body and mind are connected, whatever happens to your body will affect your mind and vice versa. Change the way you use your physiology:

- Breath

Breathing is the process that delivers oxygen to where it is needed in the body and removes carbon dioxide, it is critical to get energy in our body.Be conscious of your breathing , it is very important that you breath correctly. If you want to be calm take deep breaths and if you need to make aerobic exercise you need to take deep and fast breaths. Breathing has been used for centuries to control and help our brain to control the emotions.  

- Motion

Focus on how do you move your body, what is the position of your shoulders, how you walk, how you look etc..... The way you move , walk , talk will affect your emotional state. 

- What and when do you eat

Pay attention on what do you eat and when do you eat. If you need to do something important you have to avoid heavy meals , if the blood is in your stomach doing the digestion it will affect your brain and your emotional state. If you need to run a marathon you need to eat correctly in order to be able to finalize it. 

- Anchoring

An anchor is a trigger or stimulus that retrieves a desired emotional state. A great example of an anchor is when you hear a song that brings back a particular emotion or feeling associated with something that you were doing. E.g. you could have been with a loved one, listening to a particular song. A month, two months, a year or even ten years down the line, you may hear that song and experience those feelings and emotions as if you were there right now. Use anchors to focus your brain in the correct direction.

Remember: Emotion comes from motion.

2. Focus

- Change what you think and how do you focus

It is very important to get conscious on our focus. We do need to start controlling how do we think , we can consciously change our focus if we are being too negative. We need to start controlling rather than letting the brain do it by itself.

- Questions: ask and you shall receive

Questions control the brain focus. If you ask your brain anything , the brain will find the answer. For example, if you ask your brain why am I so stupid? Your brain will find the answer, it is designed to always find an answer. The solution is to change the question. Ask your brain, what can I learn from this in order to avoid it to happen again? or What can I learn from this error? 

Trust me , your brain will always find the answer.

- Anchors

Use anchors in order to help your brain to focus. Listen to a song that brings you good memories, go to a place that brings you inner peace, etc.....

Ten day mental challenge

The ten day mental challenge is a very interesting exercise that helps to train your brain to focus on positive/productive things. It is very simple:

For the next ten days you cannot allow any negative thinking in your brain. Each time a negative thinking starts you need to inmediately think about something else.

Each time you fail on doing this you need to start again from day 1.

As simple as this exercise sounds I can assure it will help you a lot training your brain how to think. Some people stay in day 5 for months.......... Once you break the brain protective patterns of focusing it will be a lot easier to make the change. 

3. Vocabulary 

How you talk, what you say and the tone of your voice is critical on how people see you and most important it is critical on what your brain thinks about yourself! Think for a moment how you talk to yourself inside your brain, what kind of words do you use and if the tone is sad or not. Don´t be so tough with yourself, remember , after all, the worst enemy you can ever have is yourself.

Pay attention and change the words you use daily, it will help your brain to move forward and start thinking positive!

 
My advise is:

Use the Triad; breath correctly, do exercise, focus on positive things, ask the correct questions and talk to people and yourself with empowering words! Do it for months and your life will change forever.  

Science: Water can feel emotions

The recognized doctor Mr. Masaru Emoto wrote an excellent book called Messages from water in which he proves that water molecule structure is directly related to human conscience. It is an excellent work and it is proved by photographies, a scientific work that took years and it is now a worldwide recognized masterpiece. 

For those of you who didn´t have the opportunity to read it please let me share with you some very interesting information.

What is HADO?

All molecules are composed by atom combinations. Atoms are composed by electrons and atomic nucleus. As electrons have negative charge and protons positive charge , electrons orbit around the nucleus emitting unique vibration waves. Scientifics call this waves HADO.

Electrons when they repel each other generates a pattern (magnetic resonance field). There is no two similar patterns, in modern science this is called Chaos. The reason why there is no similar patterns is because they vary depending on the conscience of the observer.  

HADO means the kingdom of the subtle energies related to conscience synonym of the word Chi in japanese. In order to measure HADO, Mr. Masaru Emoto worked together with doctor Lorenzen from Berkley University with a machine called MRA (Magnetic Resonance Analyzer).

MRA machine is used worldwide in homeopathy in order to classify the best water to treat the patients.  

Water , Humans and earth

When the ovule meets the sperm and it becomes fertilized life starts, at that point water is 95% of the ovule. As you all know water represents 70% of any grown up human.

Approximately 70% of the planet is water, we don´t need to talk more about it as this data is clear on how important is water for all animals , earth and life as we know it in the universe. 

Did water came from space? 

In 1997 the NASA (National Aeronautics and Space Administration) announced that they had proofs that water comes from space in microscopic objects (similar to snow) everyday. This has been happening since the earth was formed approximately 4.600.000.000 years ago.

It is now believed that water does come from space and this is why it is very difficult to understand its properties with our earth knowledge and thinking. 

The message from the water

After years of studies and thousands of tests, Dr. Masaru and his team proved that water is not stable, the molecule structure varies depending on when and where you look at it. They came to the conclusion that water molecules try by nature to become pure water , this molecule is perfect and beautiful. 

One of the experiments was to put music to distilled water, the results were impressive. The water molecules changed their structure depending on the music and they formed beautiful patterns. For pictures and more information about it please buy Mr. Masaru´s book.

I am sure all of you have heard the story of plants and flowers at home or inside an office. If the ambient is good, the flowers will last longer and if it is bad the flowers will die fast. All experiments made by Masaru proof that this is correct, after all if music and emotions can modify the water structure it will definitely affect the health of the flower/plant.

In order to proof this, Dr. Masaru labeled two jars with the words Thank you and I hate you. Everyday a member of the team must talk and feel this emotions in front of the water jar. The results are impressive as you can see the different molecule structure changes. Thank you is shown as a beautiful shaped molecule whether I hate you is shown as chaotic and ugly.

SHUI (The chinese character of water)

It is very mysterious and interesting that the shape of the water molecule is almost exactly the same as the chinese character Shui that means water. Chinese writing is one of the oldest writings still in use and it is proved to be at least 6.600 years BC, it comes from hieroglyphs (same as egyptian).  

How they knew this or if it is a huge coincidence is something very personal and I will not talk about this.

My personal conclusion on all this information is:

Feel happiness and love everyday and you will shape the world and reality for good!  

Philosophy: The art of love VS The art of war‏

I am sure all of you have read or heard about the excellent tactician Sun Tzu. His book The art of war is one of the best books and best sellers I have ever read, there is no doubt about it. If you are interested about war, read it carefully in detail.  

I am not interested in war at all.

In my opinion war can never be an art ; art is defined as the expression or application of human creative skill and imagination. It is very sad that so many people is interested in war.

Mother Teresa never attended a rally against war as she knew that if you focus on something you will make it stronger. When a journalist asked her why she has never attended a rally against war she said: 

The recognized psychologist and social philosopher Erich Fromm presents love as a skill that can be taught and developed. He rejects the idea of loving as something magical and mysterious that cannot be analyzed and explained, and is therefore skeptical about popular ideas such as "falling in love" or being helpless in the face of love. Because modern humans are alienated from each other and from nature, we seek refuge from our aloneness in romantic love and marriage. However, Fromm observes that real love "is not a sentiment which can be easily indulged in by anyone." It is only through developing one's total personality to the capacity of loving one's neighbor with "true humility, courage, faith and discipline" that one attains the capacity to experience real love. This should be considered a rare achievement. Fromm defended these opinions also in interview with Mike Wallace when he states: "love today is a relatively rare phenomenon, that we have a great deal of sentimentality; we have a great deal of illusion about love, namely as a...as something one falls in. But the question is that one cannot fall in love, really; one has to be in love. And that means that loving becomes, and the ability to love, becomes one of the most important things in life."

To master the art of loving is to overcome the desire for control and dependency

I believe The art of love should be  best seller every week in this world. If we keep focusing in wars we will make them stronger. Feel peace and love, if every human on earth focused in this for just a day the world will change forever.

Listen to people in the streets, read the bible, the coran......; Jesus, Mahoma, Buddha, all the greatest influencers in history teach the same principles and nobody seems to understand them.  

Please think, feel, focus in love and the world will be immediately better!!  

Philosophy: Reality does not exist‏

What is reality? I have heard thousands of times the phrase: "Please be realistic." I usually answer to this saying: "In your reality or in mine?". 

Reality is defined by experts as:

First degree reality 

Is the reality that is physic and objective, the reality we can all, as humans can see. For example: It is raining , the sun is in the solar system,  universe is huge........ nobody doubts about this reality although it is not so clear for me either as it is also relative in a way. Ask a proton how it sees the first degree reality, it will not believe that the sun can exist as it beyond its knowledge and imagination. 

Second degree reality

It is defined as the reality your brain constructs taking into account your genetic intelligence, parent teaching and social learning. We all made up our own rules , values and identity which shapes how we see the first degree reality and how we choose to construct the second degree reality. 

As you probably know in some cultures it is a motive of happiness and celebration when somebody dies as it is believed in their culture that they will go to a better place. In my culture if a loved one dies you must cry and be sad for a certain period of time in order to be accepted by the group/community.

What your brain chooses to feel is controlled by the brain itself and the good news is: It can be controlled with focus, discipline and time.

Reality: A construction of your mind

Let me share some scientific information in order to be able to talk about this point:

Perception (from the Latin perceptio, percipio) is the organization, identification, and interpretation of sensory information in order to represent and understand the environment. All perception involves signals in the nervous system, which in turn result from physical stimulation of the sense organs. For example, vision involves light striking the retinas of the eyes, smell is mediated by odor molecules and hearing involves pressure waves. Perception is not the passive receipt of these signals, but can be shaped by learning, memory, and expectation.

"The brain processes 400 Billion bits of information a second. BUT, we are ONLY aware of 2,000 of those." -Dr. Joseph Dispenza, D.C.

"The infinite information that the brain is processing every single second tells us that there's more to the world then we're perceiving." -Dr. Joseph Dispenza, D.C. 

"All of our sense of so-called "reality" out there is filtered through our sense organs."

It is now clear that second degree reality is chosen by our brain and we can learn how to control our brain, we can all do it if we are committed to. Dont let others tell you this is not possible. 

Let me ask you a question: 

Imagine that you are in a plane crash and you survive. You are now in the middle of the Andes without food, proper clothing or training, in fact it is the first time you have ever seen snow in your life. You are hungry and you are over 100 kms away from the first civilized town and the terrain is abrupt, one of the highest on most dangerous mountains on earth.

How do you feel? How can you be "realistic"? How are you going to survive?

People die in this situation when they choose to be afraid and let the brain paralize you, waiting for rescue as , in their map of reality , it is impossible to survive, after all even trained chilenian mapuche soldiers have died when lost in a snowstorm, trained , with proper clothing and with food.

People survive in this situation when they choose to do so by starting to think how to get out. it is a curious fact that all people that survive find a reason to do so and are ready to do anything to live.

I recommend you to read the book; Alive: The story of the Andes to learn more about this.

Perceive with all your senses, think, control the emotion of fear and find the best reason to survive, you will be called a miracle, lucky, etc...... the reality is anybody can do it. 

Train your brain and choose the reality you wish to live!!

Modern research psychology: When Mark killed cupid love started dying‏

Internet: One of the best inventions of humanity

I am sure that internet is one of the best inventions of humanity in history. It can make you feel close to millions of people with a click or even see them in photos or better yet, see them in videos ...... even better you can make a videoconference with any place of the world thanks to engineers and satellites.

I have done videoconferences with my cousin Martin in Buenos Aires, real life 10 minute concerts with my wife and my elder daughter playing the drums in Madrid and me and Martin playing the drums in Buenos Aires, this is incredible.... not for my daughter , she hardly understands how we could live without mobile phones and playstations back in the past. One day I expalined her that when I was a teenager I had to go to a telephone booth in order to talk to my friends.... she was astonished.

However I want to share with you my feelings about the risk of internet as global social mammals. Dont forget we are humans, social mammals, and we need to share in a real way, internet can be your best friend and your worst enemy, as the image you see when you look into a mirror. One night I had a nightmare and I was scared, I didnt know why..... what was that horrible animal/human that was scaring me so much? I couldnt see anything. The last thing I remember of my dream is that I looked into a mirror and I saw my worst enemy, the only one that knows better than anybody else your fears and weaknesses..... yourself.

Nobody can warm you as much and nobody can help you as much as yourself, believe me.

When Mark killed Cupid

I am sure all of you know the genius , multi millionaire Mr. Mark Elliot Zuckerberg. For those who still dont know, please ask anybody , they will explain you who he is. The youngest man in Forbes list with a fortune of aproximately USD13.300.000 and growing day by day, click by click. 

There is no doubt , he is a genius...... after all 900 million users in 70 different languages cannot be wrong.

However his invention that changed the world for good is, in my opinion, starting to change the world to the dark side.  Let me share with you my point of view: Humans need to be human

According to a very interesting article I read in internet (of course), Facebook could be detrimental to your relationship status:

The study, which will be published in a forthcoming issue of the Journal of Cyberpsychology, Behavior and Social Networking, found that people who use Facebook excessively (interpreted by the researchers as checking it more than hourly) are more likely to "experience Facebook–related conflict with their romantic partners, which then may cause negative relationship outcomes including emotional and physical cheating, breakup and divorce" 

Russell Clayton, a doctoral student in the University of Missouri School of Journalism, and his colleagues at the University of Hawaii at Hilo and St. Mary's University in San Antonio surveyed 205 Facebook users between the ages of 18 and 82 -- 79 percent of whom reported being in a romantic relationship -- about their use of the social media site and whether or not it had instigated conflict with their current or former partners.

“Previous research has shown that the more a person in a romantic relationship uses Facebook, the more likely they are to monitor their partner’s Facebook activity more stringently, which can lead to feelings of jealousy,” Clayton said. “Facebook-induced jealousy may lead to arguments concerning past partners. Also, our study found that excessive Facebook users are more likely to connect or reconnect with other Facebook users, including previous partners, which may lead to emotional and physical cheating.”

The correlation was strongest among newer relationships; Clayton told Huffington Post Divorce via e-mail that "high levels of Facebook use is associated with negative relationship outcomes for newer couples (three years or less)."

He recommends limiting Facebook usage in order to achieve a healthy, lasting relationship.

Please dont get addict to Facebook or any other social networks, talk, share, laugh, cry, talk to people. I have learned more from a beggar that from some high status people that drive cars that can save a whole town in Africa.

Life with passion!